Jon (my ex) and I broke up because his move from AL put unwanted strain on our relationship...and I happen to had gone crazy after he left. I snapped into a mania (not because he left) and became a completely different person for three months. He had left Nov. 2003, and was coming back to visit for a couple weeks last June. I was in the hospital trying to get better for part of the time he was in WA...when I got out we met up at church...I was on a heavy dose of seds. From just having got out...and Id lost about 20ibs since he’d last seen me. He took one look at me for the first time in seven months, turned then walked the other way. I followed and asked why?!? But his answer was I looked like a "crack whore." He later explained he was scared because I might not be the same person he remembered me as, and scared because he thought he’d lost me. I forgave him...but realized it was time to move on...if I have feelings for him, but we can’t be together then why waste emotion on him? Fuck I don't even know if I love him? The reason I’m typing all this phooey is because I'm seeing him tomorrow, and I need to decided to get closure with that or keep it open? During, and especially after the sex he wouldn’t stop kissing my lips and telling me how beautiful and how much he loves me...but where does that leave us? I want to believe he means everything, but so childish at times I don’t know if he’s being honest or fucking w/ my head...I know I have low self-esteem and its so cliché' to say but "Why would he ever love me?" I asked him this, and his reply was I made he feel normal...ha-ha, maybe because I’m so fucked up!?!
During sex he kept asking if I loved him and had missed him...I said I did and I had...but who would reply negatively during sex??
And the finally question of the night...he told me he had sex w/ 8 girls then after sex it went down to 6 when I asked again....wtf!?!
-Sorry for my whiny emo post...and horrible spelling, grammar errors.
Current Music: Holiday in Cambodia-Dead K's